The Scene: The Aide Station Desk on a dreary Monday afternoon. Tina, Ray, and Dave are sitting behind the desk, working hard(ly). Incidental music is heard, but since it's only incidental it doesn't matter. As the curtain lifts, an Admissions tour, led by one whose name shall remain unsaid, but whose initials are A.M., enters from stage left.

For a time, the action progresses according to the ancient Greek dramatists' well-known rules for the progression of such things. The typical tour-guide babble about the Computer Initiative and the Knowledge Initiative, blah blah blah.

But then the sinister melded with the mundane. For a small voice piped up, the voice of a VERY SHORT WOMAN (just a little taller then the Desk itself -- just under four feet), and asked some silly question or another about the computers. In response to this, the Great Satan didst open her mouth, laugh in a comradelike fashion, answer the question in a vaguely informative manner. Yea, she did all these things, and yet one more thing: SHE REACHED OUT HER HAND AND DID PAT THE POOR WOMAN ON THE HEAD.

Tina, Ray, and Dave -- the intrepid Aide Station trio -- tried valiantly to restrain their laughter and shock, and did so for that vital bit of time it took the tour to depart. For a moment more, they sat in quiet shock, and then Tina did say, "Did she just pat that woman on the head????!"

And there was much laughter and weeping, for joy and sorrow were intermingled: joy at the ridiculous antics of the Mischievous Maven of Tour Mayhem, and yet sorrow that, MY GOD, THIS IS THE PRODUCT OF THE TOUTED DREW EDUCATION!!!!!!! This, indeed, is the very performance that is supposed to attract students and families to Drew.

Ack.
Ack.
Ack, I say.

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